Returning
by maddushe
Summary: A one-shoot with Rose back at the St Vladimir's Academy. Takes place a few months after Dimitri's famous words. Sort of continuation to "Break, Burn, End & Begin Again." R&R!


__**Returning**

**Rose's POV**

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_Kick, duck, roll, hit. _It had become a bit of a mantra of mine the last couple of weeks. There was something very therapeutic about beating the crap out of dummies. Being able to let all of my frustrations and anger out on something. Though, it wasn't nearly as satisfying as doing it to the person that made me feel like this. I wanted him to hurt, badly. To feel the same pain I went through. At first, I was completely broken. I thought I'd never survive the pain. I spent most of my time locked in my room like a prisoner, punishing myself. Both Lissa and Adrian had tried many times to get me out, but failed miserably. I didn't ever want to leave my room again, why didn't they get that? I had just lost my reason for existing, who was I without him? I could barely remember the time before he came along. I was convinced that it was my entire fault, I wasn't good enough. He was way out of my league, in many ways. I had failed. Yet somehow, it slowly began to fade more and more as the weeks went by and I realized that it wasn't my doing at all. Now, I was pissed off. How dare he do this? How dare he decide about my life? He did what he thought was the right thing, well he didn't. Not that it mattered to him; I was simply supposed to accept whatever he chose to happen. He was a coward, that's what he was, and still is. He surrendered so easily without any attempt of fighting for me, for us. Ever since I first met him I looked at him like he was a god, fearless and indestructible. Now, all I see is a scared little coward that's hiding from everything, hiding from any kind of emotions, afraid of facing the consequences of his actions. Afraid of _me_.

I moved my hand behind my back and pulled out my trusty silver stake from the back of my black workout shorts. This little thing had saved me countless times. I tossed it between my hands for a moment, and then readied myself for a final attack. _You're so dead_. I smiled grimly to myself and then I launched myself forward and struck, piercing the stake right where the heart should be and it went crashing down to the cold, solid floor with me sitting on top, towering over it like the victor I was. High on satisfaction, I noticed that I had used such force that I had pushed the stake all the way trough. I felt it's sharpness on the other side poking out of the back. Sweet! The next person who would piss me off had it coming for them. I was so ready for I fight you wouldn't believe it. It had been quite a while ago my latest interaction with a Strigori occurred, the night I saved Lissa from none other than Dimitri himself when he'd kidnapped her to get to me. The memory sent an icy chill down my spine, even though I forgave him for that, the awful memory of the event still lingered. What if I hadn't been fast enough, strong enough? What if he had succeeded in killing her or Sparky? I would never have forgiven myself for that. Honestly, I don't think I could handle losing another friend after Mason. I still hadn't fully recovered from his death, considering the fact it was my entire fault that he was there in the first place. If it hadn't been for my big mouth, he would still be alive. Maybe if I could have loved him, he would still be here and make fun of me for being so dramatic.

"_Don't._" I muttered to myself, pushing my thoughts aside. I have to stop dwell on the past, it was pointless and it only caused me more pain. There was nothing I could do about it anymore, as much as I would do anything to make it right. Being a kick ass guardian and all, there was many things I could do. Unfortunately, going back in time or bringing someone back to life wasn't a power I possessed. Lissa did however manage to bring me back to life after the car accident that should have been my death, leaving me bonded to her forever. But I would never let her go through with anything like that again. Healing was a wonderful thing for the once who it was given to, but it also destroyed her in the process. To heal, she also had to give of herself, of her very soul. These powers were enough to drive one mad, like it had done with one of our teachers. She chose to become a strigori, completely shutting herself of from magic altogether. They only way she was completely numbed from her magic. There was no way in hell I was going to let her end up like Mrs Karp. No freaking way. She was better now though, given medicine to calm her down. Not to mention she had me to take away the darkness from her. But still, I could never truly stop worrying about her.

Anyway, ever since _the event_, as I called it, when it was still to painful to call it what it was. When _he_ left me. I made the choice to leave court, one of the hardest decisions I've had to make. I did it because frankly I couldn't handle the fact that I had to see him every single day. It was much too painful to deal with. To act like nothing ever happened between us, that I still didn't miss him every single day. That I still didn't love him irrevocably. That I didn't die a little each day without him by my side. The worst part though was the fact he barley acknowledge my presence at all. Treating me like a fellow guardian, an acquaintance that he hardly knew. He had managed to get his guardian title back and was now one of Lissa's guards. As much as I hated to leave her, I had to for my own sake and sanity. As much as it killed me to do so, I had always sworn to myself that I would be her guardian and protect her. She was really all that I had left. I owed her my life. And now I was legally a guardian, and she was the only Moroi I could ever want to protect. But right now under these circumstances that life had thrown at me, I couldn't. Not with how I was feeling. For once in my life I went against the holy mantra "They come first" I had been taught all my life and for once did something for me, for Rose and no one else. That's how I ended up being back here at St. Vladimir's of all places not that long after I'd graduated, teaching combat to the new soon to be guardians. Thankfully they were to graduate at 18 once more, much too many royal Moroi's disapproval. It wasn't exactly a dream come true, handling a class off hormonal teenage boys and occasionally one girl here and there. To my gratitude, the rumors about the famous Hathaway had reached them, which gave me a great deal of respect from the youngsters. How I miss the action though, of being out on the field. Still, I enjoyed being here. Strange how things can work out, isn't it? I felt like I contributed something good teaching them how to fight and save both of our races. Not to say it was without any difficulties, but I managed to handle them. I had my ways. I checked up on Lissa once in a while trough the bond to make sure that she was alright, but it wasn't as nice as to actually see her face to face. It had been a while since I talked to her face to face. She was busy though, not that I blamed her. After Tatiana's murder she had become the new queen. Her days were filled with boring meetings and etc. I usually tuned out from them. I just missed her, that's all. She was my best friend.

The abrupt sound of applauds in the gym startled me a little, causing me to snap out of my internal monologue. I was not alone anymore. Hadn't I made it clear that I wished not to be disturbed when I was "training?" I noticed a figure standing behind me in the corner of my eye, watching me carefully. I immediately jumped back onto my feet and spun around to face my unwanted spectator. A strand of dark hair fell into my eye in the process. Annoyed I brushed it aside and took a look at the newcomer before me. It was a young man standing there. He looked to be in his mid-twenties, maybe even younger. He was quite tall, easily six foot eight. reaching to his shoulders, and pale as a ghost. A pair of beautiful hazel brown eyes met my gaze as I studied him. There was no question; he was a Moroi, but not one a part of the royal families. I relaxed in my defensive posture, lowering the stake that was still in my hand. I didn't even realize that I was still holding on to it until I saw his face, a mix of admiration and fright and something else as well… His burning gaze made me a bit uncomfortable and I shifted in my spot. Sensing my new state of mind, he began to talk.

"That was very impressive Guardian Hathaway. I must say that I've never seen someone strike with such force before." His voice was soft and I heard a faint accent, one I couldn't exactly identify.

"I'd hate to ever get on you bad side." He let out a chuckle and walked towards me, stopping just a few inches away. I felt like a dwarf, having to bend my neck backwards to look him in the eye. He easily had a foot over me, probably more. And I didn't like it at all.

"Sorry whoever you are but his is a closed practice, no visitors allowed. Please leave now. "I motioned for the door, wanting him to leave. I was still fired up from the fight. A bit rude perhaps but I didn't really care. I hated when people were watching me. It felt like I had something to prove, I had to gain their approval and impress them. If I didn't, I was a failure. Not worthy of my guardian title. Which was stupid of me, I know I was. Still, Morois always had that effect on me.

"I didn't mean to intrude miss. No harm intended." He raised his hands apologetically, or maybe he was simply avoiding being attacked by me as well, we both knew who would win. "I was just taking a look around at the grounds and I heard that someone was in here. I was really enthusiastic about meeting this legendary guardian everyone's been talking about. And I must say I'm not disappointed of what I've seen this far." A smile spread across his face, showing of a set of perfectly pearl white teeth, and his fangs. They seemed so out of place, not fitting in with the rest of his angelic features.

"And who are you exactly mr?" I asked suspiciously, raising an eyebrow. I admit I was showing of, ever since I mastered how to do it I took every chance I got. It made me look bad ass, something I always did in front of my students or just for my own pleasure's sake. Never the less I was a bit skeptical about this guy. I'd learned the hard way that people aren't always what they appear to be. Namely Viktor Dashkov, someone whom I had dearly loved like an uncle who turned out to be a psycho and kidnapped Lissa, forcing her to heal him. He even made his own daughter Nathalie turn herself into a strigori to free him, only for her to get killed and he didn't look very sad about it. Well, at least he got what he deserved. He's not around anymore, unable to hurt her or anyone else again.

"Oh, I'm sorry, how rude of me. Please, forgive me for forgetting my manners. My name is Nolan Kozlov; I'm a new teacher here at the academy. I'm starting first thing Monday morning." He seemed eager about that fact. Subconsciously, I decided that he wasn't lying to me. Not yet anyway.

"What subject do you teach, Mr Kozlov? Not a physical one I assume." Yeah, like that was ever going to happen. His lips twitched a little. I was beginning to get more curious about this new person. There was just something about those eyes that intrigued me. I found myself moving closer as I spoke.

"I teach history actually. A subject that I'm sure isn't one you particularly enjoy like many other, am I right?" Sure got me there alright! It was crazy how he seemed to know me so well, we did after all meet just a few minutes ago. Not counting the time when he stood spying on me that is.

"Not really, no." I admitted. "I guess that I'm more of a live in the present kind of person. Why dwell in the past you know? It's not like history is suddenly going to chance itself." Too bad really.

"You make a very good point there miss. I myself do keep my thoughts in the present. But sometimes the past is important to learn about and remember to keep history from repeating itself, is it not?"

"Yeah, I suppose you're right." I answered distantly, distracted by the thoughts of my own past. I would never forget anything that had taken place the past couple of years. They would always be there in the back of my mind. Wow, I'm actually agreeing with him, the sudden insight surprised me.

"I should probably go now; I have a lot of unpacking to do and settle in here. Not to mention the tons of paper work and preparation for the class. And I wouldn't want to keep you occupied any longer either, I'm sure you would like to get back to your training. It was very nice to finally meet you Miss Hathaway. I look forward to seeing you again." He nodded politely and reached out his hand.

"You to Mr Kozlov and please, call me Rose. I'm way too young to be a miss." I shook his hand.

"Deal, as long as you call me Nolan. I'm way too young to be a Mr. See you around Rose." With a wink, he let go. I waved goodbye and watched as he turned around and walked out of the gym. He was a really nice guy this Nolan, surprisingly wise for his young age. Even though he wasn't that much older than me. Not to mention, very good looking as well. Alright, that was very much an understatement. Like many other Moroi, he looked more like an underwear model or something rather than a history teacher. I'd been able to see a hint of abs under his grey t-shirt that fit nicely around his body. His hands were warm against mine when he shook it, and lingered just a little longer than normally. It felt nice. The old me would have flirted with him instantly, there was no way I would resist a hunk like that. He was literary everything that fit in the description of a teenage dream. But that wasn't me any longer, nor would it ever be. I had changed a lot recently; it was unavoidable due to everything that's been happening. What doesn't kill you make you stronger, right? I had made a promise to myself to stay away from guys and dating for a while, if not forever. Imagine that, Rose turning to a life of celibacy. I bet none saw that coming. There was no way I was going to let anyone that close again, giving them a chance to hurt me like that.

With my feelings of anger and pain returning once again, I clenched my jaw and decided to get back to business once more. I redid my loose ponytail with fast fingers and turned around and pulled up the dummy back to position. Then I started attacking it all over again, cursing Dimitri under my breath every time I hit it. "Stupid Russian, stupid Rose, stupid for falling in love. Stupid, stupid, stupid!" _Love fades mine has_, when I heard those words escape from his beautiful lips I thought for sure that it would kill me, no doubt. I did something wrong, to make him fall out of love with me. How could that be? I was positive that we would spend eternity together. I guess I was wrong, it wasn't the first time. The words that broke me beyond repair were finally starting to make some sense to me. At first I couldn't possibly comprehend how a love like that could just fade away. In that moment, I realized that my love for him had started to fade as well. There was no point in loving him, and why should I? He didn't want me any longer; all he cared about was protecting Lissa.

"I don't love you anymore." I whispered out loud and felt as a weight had been lifted off my chest and I was breathing again. The fist that had been holding my heart in a firm grip, twisting it had vanished as well. I had loved, I had lost it and now I was starting to heal. I was slowly starting finding my way back to myself. Rose Hathaway was finally back again.

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**A little one-shoot, sort of belong together with my other one-shoot "Break, Burn, End & Begin Again", taking place a few months afterwards. What do you guys think? Leave a little review would you? I'm always dying to hear how you liked it. xo xo **


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